Unfortunately, not..
For some reason this one is even worse than the other one. Can't even read the text, however, definitely improvement on the intro.
But, honestly read what was told above, you definitely need to look in to how to record and how to render, you gotta show more effort if you really want to get rewarded for the video(s) anyone can slap a few clips together and call it a promo video, but it need to have somewhat of effort involved to show that you really care.
Using the same clips 3 times is not the way to go, if the 1st one is bad, then re-record it but this time with the right settings, in-game and while recording, then improve the rendering, again.. by watching youtube videos.. There are thousands of videos about how to record properly, what to use to record and even how to render and what to render with.